If you or anyone you know is struggling with anxiety or depression, please call:
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline‘s website by clicking on the link provided above.
Get help today.💛☀️🌻
November of 2019, was nothing I could have expected. It was nothing anyone could have expected. I wonder why I became so broken over the words that were spoken to me as I heard that you where no longer with us, but it hit me. You were such a light in this world. And though we weren’t as close as we had been freshman year of college to 2013 to random sightings of you at your work, caring for people who were unable to care for themselves – as you were known for, I knew and saw how much you loved the world through those years. I saw the love that you lit up with and the many smiles of joy as you spoke of your family, your nieces and nephews that you were going to see. During our freshman year of college, I watched you blossom into a person that so many people loved. I heard of your boyfriend (turned fiancé) and how amazing he was, I heard of his daughter and how much you adored her. We didn’t become all that a close friendship was, but nonetheless, you were my friend. You always made everyone so comfortable to be themselves – and that is just were your superpower began.
I wrote this on your Facebook, a couple days past the news that broke so many people’s hearts:
You were hurting, and no one knew. You felt so much pain, silently you carried that burden. Your pain was the burden – not you. The world would have been benefited for your pain to go away – not you.
You lit up every room that you walked into. Nobody knew.
You smiled and laughed amongst friends. Nobody knew.
You spoke of your family so highly. Nobody knew.
We passed each other in University hallways, and we always stopped to talk – a passing “hello” not known well to you. And I didn’t know.
So many people would reach out, so many people would love you more and more (as much as you needed).
You have no idea how many people you helped, how many peoples’ lives you changed, how many people wouldn’t ask a single question for the need to surround you until your pain slowly faded.
You touched lives, and so many have cried – people you’d never start to guess, I know.
You made this world a better place. God needed you as an angel far sooner than the world would have agreed.
One day, we will walk passed each other again, and we will again, stop to chat as others pass us by. I will be hanging onto hope for that conversation, sweet girl.
Your family is in my prayers – you are too.
I’m so sorry that no one knew. What each of us would give, just to go back…
To save your life as you saved so many others’.
Now you fly, painlessly, in the Heavens. Soon, we will see you again.
My love, always. ❤️
I’m not sure if, after posting this to you and your family, this could have been a coincidence, but I saw someone’s post in a darkness of depression. I smiling face, dressed for the day, out in the sunshine, jewelry on, and a selfie snapped, followed by these words:
One year ago. This is what I looked like one year ago. Do I look happy? This is what depression looks like. One year ago to this day, I tried to kill myself. I was in such a low place. I overdosed and did not succeed. I spent a good little while in the pavillion. I’ve learned a lot about self love in the past year. Life isn’t always easy, but the good always outweighs the bad. To anyone who struggles with depression, I know what it feels like and I am here for you!
Depression, anxiety, chronic illness, self hate, self loathing, the misery through which some people see themselves and the world is a dark revelation of something so much bigger than this world can take on.
It’s the devils doing. No one in this life can undo what the devil has wrapped around his finger. Only Jesus.
Let me be clear though, Jesus can show himself in so many ways. A kind word. A warm hug. Someone who listens. Someone who encourages. Someone to say: “it will all be ok” through a valley in life. A valley that the devil has utterly convinced a person inside: “you are stuck”, “you’ll never get away from this”, “there is no out”, “no one cares for you”, “no one supports you”, “you’re just a burden”.
I know these words of which the devil speaks, because I, too, have been there. A little light from prayer, and trust in The Shepherd will block those words at once.
What I’m saying is: if you don’t know better, if you don’t know about the light, if there isn’t a reminder in your ear, speaking of the lies the enemy brings – nothing can break the darkness in your spirit and mind. People who/who have struggle(d) with thoughts of depression, anxiety, etc… appear as a light to others – because they know the weight of which darkness can bring – and they will forever be the wall between their loved ones and the darkness that tries to intrude each of their family, friends, and neighbors’ lives. A smile from someone overcome by the darkness is the brightest thing you will ever see – and the light chases away the dark. Every time.
We are all prey of this darkness if you cannot or do not know the light that can and will save you every time. We are each more than beauty. We are more than an opportunity. We are more than moms, dads, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, husbands and wives. We are God’s children. And you will not be consumed by the lies of the snake slithering around your shoulders and neck. You will breathe through an attempted suffocation because God has breathed His breath into you – and you are His.