Autoimmune Disease

Upside Down.

My upside down is filled with:

Nights to sleep – while I lie awake,

Time for adventure – is the time I take,

to prevent getting sick, to prevent the pain today,

to prevent an asthma attack, to rest for tomorrow’s plans – so I lay

down,

to pull the energy from anywhere around me,

I pool energy from any dream I see

while I sleep away the day,

Knowing tonight I will pay,

but I have to get energy in some way!

Don’t let my family down.

Don’t let my friend down. (Notice the singularity).

Don’t let my husband down.

Don’t let my fur kids down.

So I let myself down.

While the shell of me is busy trying to please,

My core drifts deep beneath

the surface of it all,

Of the world as we know it – not even a fall.

But a sink into someplace deeper, someplace terrifying,

I can still see everyone around me, and I’m trying

to be seen by them, to catch a gaze,

but the only thing that I find is a maze

in my mind, where I try to get to the other side,

we call this the upside down of our life.

Where the only thing that I can run from is

Me.

My cells meaning well,

trying to protect me, though they fail.

Preventing an illness, preventing an allergy

from the sun, from my blood, it’s unclear to me.

I stay alive in this unknown dimension,

Safer here, I will mention…

Because the monster is me,

and others believe as they see,

and I hang out with the other “upside downers” until we’ve found strength

through those that can’t see me – few go to lengths

to hear my cries, my beckon for help.

They try to find me when I can’t find myself.

9/11/19

Do you think “Stranger Things” (for those of you who are fans) might have a point to prove here?

 

 

 

 

 

🍂🌻,

Bailey

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