Autoimmune Disease

There will always be someone who can’t see your worth.

I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s an art, a skill, talent of some sort. It settled deep within me, but the intruder will not allow my mind to pin it with such descriptions.

“Keep spinning it”, I tell myself, in hopes of staying in the sun. Somehow, at this time, I’m unable shift what it’s become. Settled in the bottom of my chest, the terrifying knot has torn me to shreds.

What to do now is my biggest concern. The concern multiplied even more, though, when I realized – the answer, for “what to do” is simply, and painfully: nothing.

My days dance around the wreckage now of what used to be an entire piece of “love” reserved for friends and family. Tip toeing, and a hurdle landing softly to not disturb the mess that will remain in the pit of my chest until, finally, I learn to heal from the devastating, blindsided, blow without a single question answered.

There’s a first for everything, I suppose. Hopefully in this scenario, it’s also the last.

It’s odd to feel the shakiness of uneven ground, the pain from the thorn in your side, the reoccurring stabbing bleed from the sword in your back.

It’s life. Life is painful. It’s meant to be lived, but not easily by any means:

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.””‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Remember to pray. Guard your heart. Keep control over your breath. As the warrior you are – fight. Keep fighting. Don’t stop, no matter the pain. Through your weakest moments, continue your determination to be the best person that you can be. Because you deserve it.

And for who holds strong to the brokenness in your chest?

They’ll be evicted. Eventually.

“Can’t take back what you took from me;
Still scared to show vulnerability.
Still studder when I speak –
The tip of my tongue under lock and key.

Try to run from the pain,
But it drives me in.
Try to drink it away,
But it learned to swim.
Try to hide from the hurt,
But it found me out,
Guess I’ll stare it down…

In the dark, Imma fly.
Like the moon in a black sky.
On the rise like a new world wonder,
Pull me down but I won’t go under.
Underground, I’m a geyser.
In the pit, I’m the viper.
On the rise like a new world wonder,
Pull me down but I won’t go under.

I tried to draw that red line.
Softly I always apologize,
But I’m sick of being polite –
Hoping your ego ain’t here to fight.

Try to run from the pain,
But it drives me in.
Try to drink it away,
But it learned to swim.
Try to hide from the hurt,
But it found me out,
Guess I’ll stare it down…

In the dark, Imma fly.
Like the moon in a black sky.
On the rise like a new world wonder,
Pull me down but I won’t go under.
Underground, I’m a geyser.
In the pit, I’m the viper.
On the rise like a new world wonder,
Pull me down but I won’t go under.

I’m not gonna fade,
I’m not gonna fade out.
I’m not gonna break, I’m not gonna break down.
Even if I fall, I’m not gonna stick down
I’m not gonna fade (I’m not gonna fade),
I’m not gonna fade out (fade out),
I’m not gonna break, I’m not gonna break down,
Even if I fall, not staying down.

Try to run from the pain,
But it drives me in.
Try to drink it away,
But it learned to swim.
Try to hide from the hurt,
But it found me out,
Guess I’ll stare it down…

In the dark, Imma fly.
Like the moon in a black sky.
On the rise like a new world wonder,
Pull me down but I won’t go under.
Underground, I’m a geyser.
In the pit, I’m the viper.
On the rise like a new world wonder,
Pull me down but I won’t go under.

– “Under” by Transviolet

☀️❤️🦋,

Bailey – aka your temporary resting place.

👉🏼👆🏼Sometimes, this will be the only closure you will need. Click👆🏼 👈🏼

💔 don’t do it to yourself.

6 thoughts on “There will always be someone who can’t see your worth.

  1. “Don’t let the ones that changed on you, change YOU”

    Very powerful stuff here and it’s much needed to hear. In fact, I needed to hear all those things he was saying in each video because I’ve been going in a constant cycle with the mother of my children. It’s been a whirlwind in my heart and soul because of it. I realized that she’s a narcissist and I’ve never had to deal with one on this level. I was becoming the furthest thing from myself. It’s now that I started to realize the closer I get to accomplishing my dream, the harder this becomes. I suppose this is a part of my life that had to happen before I could be granted my blessings.

    Thanks for posting this and sharing your pain and helping to motivate others like myself. I really appreciate you and all your awesomeness 🙌❤️ You look great in the pink by the way ☺️ Always wonderful to see you!

    Take care, Bailey. Stay strong and vigilant in all that do. 🌞😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Trey,
      Thank you. I love that quote. This post has been a long time coming, but something I haven’t had the bravery of facing until recently. I just couldn’t take anymore of it.

      I’m glad that it could be of some help to you ❤️. I’m sorry to hear about your troubles with your family and kiddos. Sometimes, in separation and hard feelings, the children are used to hit the other where it hurts the most. Which isn’t ok. And I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through that. Hang in there. Narcissists are no joke, soooo difficult to deal with. Watch out for the “green lighting” too. Don’t become a victim of that.

      Thank you so much for the compliment, it’s always nice to hear, no matter who you are, that you attract someone else. Not sure why appearance is so important in this world today, but it plays a large role in your self esteem and self image unfortunately.
      I always like hearing from you. You get it. So when I changed blogs, i was sad.

      Yesssse!!! My DD told me that the closer you get to carrying your cross, the world will begin to test you – even people closest to you will betray you in hopes for you to run back, away from your place of Christianity, away from your dream. In hopes for things to be “normal again “. Don’t do it. Don’t give up. Eventually, all of your fighting against life’s resistance will pay off!
      Hang tough.
      ❤️,
      Bailey

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m still working with the other blog team when time permits. The Army has been taking a lot of my time these past few weeks, but I still find a few windows to get my feelings recorded here.

        If I ever truly departed from this blog, which I feel is unlikely, I wouldn’t just leave without some form of communication with you 😊 I’m thankful for your friendship 🙌

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m thankful to hear that. And I hope you’re true to your word! I’m thankful for your friendship as well. It’s given me confidence when I’ve definitely needed it the most.

        I need to go read your other blog. Forgive me from my lack of presence lately.

        So you’re still active in the army? I’m not sure why I felt that you were in the reserves. 🤷🏻‍♀️

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’ve been slacking on my blogging attempts. I have several post in my notebook that I’ve neglected to finish 😅 I have to work on that. Nonetheless, I’m happy you come by to read and comment 😁

        Liked by 1 person

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