Autoimmune Disease

Never mind.

Today is the perfect example of why people with chronic pain or illness cannot commit to events or plans in advance. For instance:

Yesterday, I felt so good! I stayed home because I knew that I had plans for today, and I was ready to get an extra ticket to the baseball game (in hopes they weren’t already sold out, but I knew that they were deep down…). I was doing things around the house, but at the same time, trying to save as many spoons as possible! (Spoons? Google “spoon theory”. It’ll tell ya all about those dang things…).

This morning, I woke up to the garage door opening and dogs barking. I instantly jolted out of bed because “I have to get ready!” (Even though church wasn’t until 4pm and the game wasn’t until 7pm, I am always late it never fails.

And what do you know? Here comes the damn nerve pain all over again. Pain meds won’t kill it, Tylenol seems to help in addition to the pain pills and a couple others… but as soon as you begin to feel better, you realize how completely and utterly exhausted you are! Being in so much pain somehow offers up your muscles as tribute… every strand of fiber is tightened, flexed, for the entire duration of your intense pain flare up. If I had committed to going to the game today, I would have been (excuse my language, pretty sure we have all said worse! Ha!) SCREWED.

Example closed.

Mix in some “Real Life” stress of sorts… Little things here and there that for someone with chronic pain, aren’t so little.

Plus, he, she, it, you were/was never mine to begin with. I really don’t have the energy to think through it though… but who knows? Maybe I’ll muster up some strength in this worn down, torn up body to possible knock out some of a To-Do list tonight🤷🏻‍♀️.

You’d never know by looking at me. It’s invisible illness. 🤷🏻‍♀️

And it is awful.

Each pain is different, in different locations.

Sometimes I swear my heart feels it too.

I don’t wanna lose a friend
But you make it hard to feel okay
For you, for you do anything
But I don’t want a bitter end
Yeah, I don’t wanna lose a friend

I keep thinking where you at?
Between me and you, I want you back
But it doesn’t make sense

You were never mine
You were never mine
Never, never, never
You were never mine
You were never mine
Never, never, never
But I see you all the time
You were never mine
Never, never, never
You were never mine
Never, you were never mine

I thought I saw it in your text
But you wanna make sure we’re good again
So you can move onto the next
Baby, do I ever cross your mind?
Leaving all my love behind?

I keep thinking where you at?
Between me and you, I want you back
But it doesn’t make sense

You were never mine
You were never mine
Never, never, never
You were never mine
You were never mine
Never, never, never
But I see you all the time
You were never mine
Never, never, never
You were never mine
Never, you were never mine

– “Never Mine” by Sigrid

 

 

❤️,

Bailey

2 thoughts on “Never mind.

  1. Awesome photos! You look amazing as always 😁❤️. You’re right; it is hard to tell that you battle with pain on a regular basis. Sure, you’ve discussed it here, but I can never tell you carry such pain in the pics you take. I’m still a believer of a camera being able to take glimpses of a person’s soul and your’s has always been full of happiness and love since I’ve known you.

    I hope you get to enjoy this Easter weekend, Bailey. Take care of yourself ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh you’re too kind…

      I tear up reading your comments sometimes. Its very difficult. And the fact that it’s invisible makes it 100x more so. It’s ridiculous when people think that these illnesses are faked… if I was going to fake something, it would be something that is far more visible and believable.

      It’s really amazing how many things I’ve changed through my “normal day” to accommodate all of the tiniest things.. down to how often I leave the house. And adding sunscreen as a before make up routine.

      Like

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