Autoimmune Disease

Alone.

I felt it.

Her arms wrapping around me, embracing me with such love, such meaning, such happiness in a tight – yet gentle embrace.

Her forearms rubbing up and down my back as she soaked in every second of the hug that I so desperately needed.

Everything in that moment was ok. Everything was possible. Every worry melted away from my thoughts, and I believed that I could do anything I wanted to, in that moment. It was all ok.

…and then I woke up.

Referred to as her “big girl” as a small child, her sunshine (that lights the world and without it, there would only be darkness), her miracle baby… I felt important. One of a kind. I could make any difference that I chose to make, and I was capable of making the world a better place at any minute that I was called to.

She believed in me like no one ever has.

She saw a spark in me that no one else can find.

She loved every part of me, and made sure that I didn’t doubt her love for any moment of time.

She supported me. She was always there for me, no matter what, when, where, or how.

She made the biggest difference in my life.

July 15, 2018, God needed His angel back by His side.

March 30, 2019, I’m still not sure how to fill the void that was yanked from my heart.

It hurts now worse than it has yet to.

I guess I’m just realizing how

Alone

I really am without her here.

🦋☀️❤️,

Bailey

4 thoughts on “Alone.

  1. I know how hard it’s been for you since she left. I wish I could say the words needed to fill in that empty space, but they will never be able to compare to her angelic presence. I’m sure your husband feels the same.

    And that’s just it. You don’t have to feel alone because you have people by your side near and far. You don’t have to face any of your pains without those that truly love you, supporting you. Wrapping a new set of arms around you together to not fill the void she left, but to help you endure it so you may find peace knowing she loved you so much and that she is back home. She watches over you. You may feel the void, but know that nothing about the way she supported you and loved you has changed and she continues to do as such.

    She’s with you always and so are we (hubby, family, friends). Much love to you, Bailey! ⭐🙏💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Trey, thank you so much. I really cannot thank you enough for every word in this comment.

      When I wrote this, it was such a weird time. I think right about then is when I began having bad, bad neuropathy. And still it continues. Nerve pain is so difficult to deal with… _..because no matter where it is, no matter the intensity, when those (not so great)pain pills wear off, it’s still in the same place, for the same amount of pain.

      I remember this day being €%%%%‰%%%

      Today would have been her birthday.

      Like

      1. It’s still her birthday. Celebrate the life she lived. Feel her in you. Cherish all the memories you have of her. While she isn’t here in the physical, she’s always with you nonetheless. So don’t be sad, beautiful. She wants you to smile for her. Tell her happy birthday and that you love her dearly. She’s listening. Be strong, Bailey 💙 Much love to you!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know she wants us to be happy. She told us not to cry, but how could we not cry when someone so beautiful leaves this horrible world? It just gets a little bit darker here.
        I can still hear her singing when she didn’t want me to be sad, and when I was little, I can hear her songs that she made up for us… such simple songs, and somehow there is still so much meaning.
        Sometimes, I think it takes strength to let go of all of the pain inside that’s left, but when it comes to being around my DD today? I’ll have to use some strength for that – absolutely… same for my dad.
        My DD and aunt are going to see her resting site today. I’m not sure if I want to do that or not?? I would be doing it for my DD… that brings such a somber presence. He needs that, but I don’t. So I’m not quite sure about it yet…
        Thank you Anthony. Much love to you as well. You’re so kind to help me while I know you’re in a helpless place as well. I appreciate it to no end. ❤️

        Like

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