Autoimmune Disease

There’s a fire inside my bones.

Trying not to overheat,

While amazed that it’s still up and running.

Trash bin full of deleted files…

Her lifetime of self-made progress to contain the burn, the seclusion of hurt, a different type of ache completely…

She’s not good enough, and she never will be.

There’s no fixing “this one”. There’s no change or threat or World War XVIII;

She’s still searching for compromise.

She wants unconditional and unbreakable and unshakable love.

And she found him – among your disapproval…

He is her protector. Her soft place. He’s coaxed her from her lifetime cocoon of fear, and now because of him, she’s a butterfly brighter than any of your eyes can see. She would do anything for him.

Not you. Not one of you

Who have given her false hope of happiness and peace, but you broke her heart with words you can’t take back – words to put in her Trash Bin.

She’s lived her life turning her emotions on, off and switching them around – shoving things into a bin that’s become impossible to empty.

“Straighten up, its always something with you, we just want to help you”

Trying to impress and make anyone proud of her and searching in every “search bar” she can find in there: “how to be approved” “how to be chosen”.

But she could never win this war. She could never be the chosen one.

She doesn’t want help. Doesn’t need help. If all of the attacks could suddenly STOP —

The silence would be deafening, but it’s all she’s ever wanted. To be left alone. Negative attention turned else where. It’s only a dream – and one that she dreams of while she’s awake.

She’s been reset so much, doctor after doctor, apologized when she was only herself – feeling what she was feeling,

when she was feeling real

when she was being HERSELF.

“I’m going to take you and go

Make you my own

When I got a fire inside my bones

That’s how it goes when my sunshine gold.

I’m getting into my zone

Let it into my soul

When I’m feeling it in my bones,

That’s how it goes when the sunshine gold.”

-“Sunshinee Gold V2” by Sam the Astronaut

☀️❤️🦋,

Bailey

4 thoughts on “There’s a fire inside my bones.

  1. I see I have a bit of catching up to do with you, Bailey. I’ve been a tad bit distracted from my writing, but I think it’s time for me to return. I’m so happy to see you continued to write it out, though! I love it 💙💚

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s