Art · Autoimmune Disease · Depression · Fibromyalgia · Mental Illness · Music · Pain · Sjögren's Syndrome

“I’d Never Tell You Not To Love Her”

“Say what you want dear,

But the courage was won

The way that you spoke here,

When the dreaming was done. ”

-“A Closeness” by Dermot Kennedy”

.

.

.

Heaviness echos my lonely.

And what am I speaking of?

I just may never know.

It’s words spilling from my heart,

An empty dream

That’s torn apart.

Where do we go from here?

….Pain pain pain pain

All that surrounds my walls

Is pain.

But that’s too much for you to hear.

I’m not sure there will ever be a “fix”,

Especially with how many people just want to “pick”

On me.

Force me here, make me do that, just put me where you want me,

And I can be your little doll

To show your friends –

The trophy wife you dreamed of.

Outside,

Made to look beautiful.

Inside,

Bleeding out.

Falling apart.

Crying and hurting,

And the emptiness is never touched-

not from the blood or the tears,

Or the past from all of these years.

Not from the pain,

Or whatever it is that you want to gain…

Good.

Congratulations on accomplishing your dream,

Leaving me lonely

and ripping at the seams.

“What is it that you want to do now”,

Do you ask me the same?

I mean – when it doesn’t have anything

To do with yourself

Or a stupid day about you,

But on the day about me I cried.

I hurt, popped some pills and cleaned up the house.

But I’ll wait here.

“No it’s ok”,

I’m only hurting

Anyway.

And you wonder why it’s so constant,

But no one holds me

To warm me

Close to their heart

To love me.

We just clash. But we’re better

Than we’ve ever been.

And the noise in my head

Is louder than ever.

I wish everyone would shut up

And leave me alone.

No. I said no.

But it’s not loud enough for you to hear

The seriousness that rocks my entire body

Off balance –

And I fall,

With no one to catch me –

Because I’m empty

And I’m lonely,

But it’s not all about me,

After all.

.

.

.

“So I won’t say I love you –

It’s too late.”

-“Nervous” by Gavin James

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