Autoimmune Disease · Cancer · Depression · Fibromyalgia · Health · Mental Illness · Pain · Sjögren's Syndrome

Our Hearts Have Been Loved By You.

I will be honest, I have not gone to your gravesite yet.

 

You’re birthday is April 17.

You we’re diagnosed with breast cancer on July 18, 2017.

You became an Angel on July 15, 2018.

 

Everyone can remember a date if they try.

I don’t have to try to remember the thousands of memories that I have with you.

 

I never understood why we had such a bond – beyond love.

I’m so thankful to have figured the reason of our understanding in the last weeks we shared with you.

You got it. All of it. You understood me, to my last hidden pain,  and you stood beside me through it, through all of the years.

 

I have not gone to your gravesite because I’m scared of all of the raw emotion that I fear I may lose control of. I talk to you everyday though. I remember how beautiful you were – and ARE! I remember how you held my hand when I rubbed your arm, and I remember the last rolling belly laugh that I heard from you as I left your house the last time, from seeing you.

I haven’t gone because I’m scared.

 

This week has been emotional, as we receive the closure that you meant for us to have.

I heard this song not long after my Mimi passed. The emotions it brought out of me were strong. I felt scared to share it with my family, even a group text, shared by my mom, sister, and me.

So I left it alone, just for me to hear.

 

I opened our group text finally today and saw a video of a song with its lyrics and my mom’s comment: “This is so pretty. Makes me think of mimi 😍😍😍”. And before I realized what song it was, I spoke to my mom on the phone… and she said again: “Go listen to the song I sent you. It has lyrics, I know you need to look at things… It’s beautiful. I know you think of Mimi the way the song is.”

My mom, reminding me of how much I felt that my Mimi was as a Mom is to me.

She understands. My mom gets it. She was like a Mom to her too. I didn’t hear of one person who voiced otherwise.

So here you go, precious butterfly – turned angel. Shine bright, as I know you are. You’re still in every light that i see!

🦋☀️❤️,

Bailey

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