Autoimmune Disease

Inner demons.

If I were sitting at a fold out table, covered with cloth, flowers and plastic pearls as a center piece, in a banquet hall…

And if I were to see the girl that is my mirrored reflection walk in and sit across from me…

My soul would say:

She’s so pretty. Is she lost?

No, she sat down, she’s meant to be here.

If a man walked in, a man of my husband’s mirrored reflection, my soul would say:

Is she alone? Oh, her ring, she’s waving him over – that must be her husband.

A hand squeeze as he sits beside her…

They’re so cute! I bet they go well together.

Are my husband and I cute? We fight sometimes… we have such heavy issues and they look so happy! I’m so jealous.

Her eyes are so blue! Almost grey… quite clear behind her glasses – of which, I wish I knew where she found those! Her eyes seemed lost. Lonely. But when that man walked in, oh how she lit up the room! Her smile, her eyes, he swept away all of her visible sadness! She looks confident now. He is her confidence… she’s so beautiful and she doesn’t know, I bet. I bet that he is her security, because before him, she was closed into herself, with her hands clasped onto her purse, hiding as much of the front of her body as possible. She seems so much more open now.

Is there something I could tell her that would make her feel better about herself? Let me see… her jewelry is beautiful, woooww those pearls shimmer… not comparable to these on the table, that’s for sure. Her purse, designer… her dress, kimono, and shoes… she’s so put together. What kind of compliment wouldn’t seem weird?

“Your glasses are so cute! Where did you get them?”

I don’t hear her response, I just smile and respond back as my thoughts flow through my mind…

She smiled. Ok, good. I hope she feels more comfortable now. Her posture seemed to relax some. She throws a compliment back my way, she didn’t need to do that… I wasn’t fishing… she sounded so sincere with her tone and her wording.. She’s educated. And her heart shown through her eyes as she smiled with my received compliment. She cares – perhaps a little too much of what others think of her…

If only she could see what we see.

It’s hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all of the time. Be nice to yourself. Andtry to remember, we are not bodies. We are souls within a body. Our souls will live on forever, but our bodies turn to dust.

“Give me Your eyes for just one second,

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing.

Give me Your love for humanity.

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted;

the ones that are far beyond my reach.

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten-

Give me Your eyes so I can see…”

– “Give me your eyes” by Brandon Heath

Aim your life to a road where you share a piece of your love with each and every person, so that at the end of the road, you can say: “I have nothing left to give”.

✌🏼&💜,

;Bailey

12 thoughts on “Inner demons.

  1. Wow, this is so good!! I love your writing. That inner voice can be nasty, but she can be trained. Such an important topic, so well written. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so very much! What a compliment ❤️. We have to train our inner voice every day of our lives. We can’t let those demons get inside. Sometimes they do. And you have to start over. But that’s ok. As long as your progressing in some forward motion, then you’re living life. 💜☀️🦋

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a friend who told me to stand in front of a mirror and picture that girl walking into the grocery store or your work or your church.. and she said “how would you treat her?” “What would your thoughts be about her?”

      These days our insecurities are so low and it’s only because we tie our self image to our bodies and appearance when you should actually tie your self image to your soul. Your soul is separate from your body. Your soul is what holds all that you are, because your body will be here on earth as you leave to go to your real Home someday.

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      1. I really appreciate your outlook on life. I enjoy talking to you because of how deeply you feel. My mom tells me I’m kind because I feel things so deeply, that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I believe you do as well.
        You said in another comment that you keep a journal. I use this blog as my journal. Just happens that people like to read it ❤️
        I think I would lose something that is hand held and forget where it was. Also, with my autoimmune illnesses, typing or texting is easier than writing. It doesn’t hurt my hand as much. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think you’re right and I’m happy you can relate. I start to tear up when I watch emotional movies and TV shows because I can feel the pain likes it’s my own. I wasn’t always like this though, but since opening up my writer side, it’s been happening more and more. Some of those moments can be embarrassing though 😅

        Actually, writing hurts my hand, too, so I do as little handwriting as possible even in my jornal so I understand 😁 Hope you’re feeling ok, Bailey!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I feel you on both of those! I really like to draw, but holding a pencil or pen for an extended period also hurts my hand.
        My mom tells everyone “She wears her heart on her shoulders”. I’ve also gotten the comment that I feel other’s pain like my own, as you said.

        It’s crazy because when you are depressed, all you want to do is make people smile, because you know how miserable it is to be down. 💔❤️

        I could definitely be better. All this emotional and physical stress has hit me hard today. I’m so ready for my Mimi to not have pain anymore. I just want to take it away for her so badly!!!

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