Autoimmune Disease · Mental Illness · Uncategorized

Catch a Panic

It’s easy to catch panic around here lately.

Maybe it’s where I live.

Maybe it’s the grass that surrounds our home of bricks –

Thrown into random weeds.

Maybe it’s the clutter that makes me feel closed in,

But when i ask you, you say our home is clean.

It might be in the breath that I can’t catch when I say “hold on”,

And you wait patiently, because you don’t have to be told.

You see, hear, and feel the tension that flows through me in an instant –

From no where.

Panic has crept up on me again.

So I breathe.

And when you’re here,

the attacks

never last as long.

“Save Me” – JNE

Life comes in waves,

It has highs and lows,

It comes crashing down,

And it hits hard below.

There’s good and there’s bad,

But sometimes it’s too dark to see the light –

It shines back to who we are.

And pain it always comes around –

But the love we have has the loudest sound,

And I don’t know where we’re going…

But as long as I am with you,

I will be just fine.

You are my light on the dark side.

And anytime it gets too hard and I feel like I’ve gone too far,

You are right there waiting patiently

To save me.

This world can be cold –

Making us feel alone.

Feeling all of the unknown,

Scared of life, of the things we can’t control,

Of the hurt that can come from our broken heart and soul.

And pain it always comes around –

But the love we have has the loudest sound,

And I don’t know where we’re going…

But as long as I am with you,

I will be just fine.

You are my light on the dark side,

And anytime it gets too hard and I feel like I’ve gone too far –

You are right there waiting patiently,

To save me.

‘Cause you are the piece of me that I could never lose.

You helped me heal the parts that were broken in two.

I never, ever want to go our separate ways,

So all I ask of you is just to stay…

‘Cause as long as I am with you,

I will be just fine.

You are my light on the dark side,

And anytime it gets too hard and I feel like I’ve gone too far,

You are right there waiting patiently,

To save me.❤️

🎶 Save Me – JNE 🎶

Thank you, my wonderful love.

✌🏼&💜,

Bailey

7 thoughts on “Catch a Panic

  1. Wow. Does sound like one hell of a year, Bailey. Thanks for sharing all these dark parts of your life. We all have them and sometimes it feels like no one really cares, but those that do are the ones that you have to keep close.

    People can be so insensitive to others. My fiance cousin always has to be one up above my fiance. When I asked her to marry me, the next day she got engaged. Then her cousin was looking for mother/daughter dresses for the wedding (which is in 2020 mind you) in front of my fiance, knowing that my fiance’s mom passed away when she was 14. I wanted to say something, but its her family so I didn’t get involved. I don’t know why people do that when we all are in this thing of life and we should help one another when we can. Just be careful about keeping negative energy like that around you, sunshine. Don’t let anyone block your light 😁

    I’m going to post the pics today. I’ve been working on my book on and off since 2016, but now after much searching, I’m sure writing is the career for me. I spoke to my dad the other day and he reminded me how I use to sit in my room on a Saturday and just write in those notebooks. Always been my pleasure to write and I don’t plan on stopping until I make something of it!

    So when I come to your state on my book tour, be sure to come out! You’ll be the only one that know my name is actually knows my real identity. 😎😉😜

    Continue to write though Bailey. It might actually help you with dealing with the loss. Buy a notebook and get those emotions out.

    Thanks for taking some time to chat with me. I hope you have a great day today and remember that life can’t stay dark forever especially with all the light you hold within. Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I sure appreciate all of your kind words to my word vomit. 😂🙈🙈🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
      That’s horrible! I’m sorry to hear of your fiancee’s Mom!! That is a tough struggle that i can not come close to understanding.

      When you go on tour for your book that would be really cool if i could come out too!

      I think it’s wonderful that you’re following your dreams. Don’t give up on them either! It’s not going to be easy, but don’t give up!

      Like

    2. I sure appreciate all of your kind words to my word vomit. 😂🙈🙈🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

      That’s horrible! I’m sorry to hear of your fiancee’s Mom!! That is a tough struggle that i can not come close to understanding.
      I’m very glad that your son’s birthday went well though! – I’ll check out the pictures!!!

      I will definitely buy your book!!! Can you make it available on iTunes?! Not sure what goes into that… 😂💜
      But maybe I should buy a hard copy, and that way, I can get your signature while you’re becoming famous for what you’re best and enjoy doing!!🤓🤩

      I will always write. It does help me
      so much, as I know it helps you too! Thank you for reading my posts, that’s very sweet. Brady suggested blogging to me as a way to get through things and let all of my emotions and feelings out in a positive way. And it has been very helpful in that way!! My mom has sent it around to some family though, so it’s not as private as it used to be. “Get all of my emotions out and whoever reads it will be strangers.”😂😂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The birthday for him went great. I’ll post some pictures of it soon!

    I know the grief of losing someone you were close to like that can take a while to adjust back to normality. We all heal differently and it can take time. Just keep her in your heart as you have been and you’ll see that even though she’s gone physically, she’ll live with you always. Stay strong, sunshine. I call you that because that’s the first thing that comes to mind when I see you and I think anyone who knows you can say the same. Thanks for the compliment though!

    I started calling myself Trey as a penname because I’m releasing my first fantasy novel soon. To no surprise, their are a TON of Anthony Taylor’s in the world so I went with a name I created years ago for a game I was playing. It always lingered so figured I use it to help me stand out more. We’ll see how effective it is in the upcoming months.

    All is great on my end. I hate that you have to deal with pain because of the stress of loss. Keep your spirit up! I can’t do much, but you always got me here whenever you need me =)

    Talk to you again soon, Bailey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, i will have to watch for the pictures!! Forgive me if I catch them late… but I do want to see them!

      Mimi was my second mom.
      Coming around WordPress is so difficult because I want to write of it. But I don’t want a post, that I could go back and read, or that anyone can read, to be down in the dumps. My Mimi was my sunshine too. And towards the end I called her that as well. All she brought me was light.
      First close family member for me to have lost. Even now, I look at pictures of her, and I just “know” I’ll see her face again soon. (Someday, yes, but I’m talking that I feel like I could go to their house and she’s be there with the biggest smile and her arms open for me to run to as she says “Ohhh come here!” As she laughs through the words… she did that for almost 27 years.
      I have a lot of people at my finish line cheering me on. But my Mimi was the ONLY one who ever followed behind me, or held my hand to get through life. She never wavered. Not once. I tell myself how lucky and blessed i am to have known someone so special. I know she’s still behind me through this life.

      When I was very little, she used to tell my mom “oh I miss those grand babies!! My arms are just aching!” She would rub her forearms and tell us how they ached when she couldn’t hug us.. and for the couple days after she passed, my arms just ached. She gave the best hugs.
      Oh my goodness. See? I’m just trying not to do what I’m doing now!!
      🤦🏻‍♀️

      This last year has been a complete mess. My mimi was buried on the anniversary of her being diagnosed with cancer. July 19. Around the end of August 2017, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. He was able to get it taken care of with surgery.
      My in laws and I have had a falling out. Which…. whatever.
      Said goodbye to 2 of my childhood dogs. Lost a very good friend, but we rekindled when she got pregnant.. she sure let me know that was the case.. rubbed in my face since she knew that I can’t bear a child… just a buuuuunch of other smaller things that add up to an awful year.

      So we can only go up from here!!

      You’re precious. Thank you for caring so much. It really helps a lot on my end.

      Let me know when you release your novel! I want to read it!

      And you, “Trey”(☺️😉🤷🏻‍♀️) have me here whenever you need me as well.

      Thank you for your amazing support. You really give me the push to keep writing!

      Speaking of… Mimi left each grandkid, son and daughter in law, both of her kids, and my DD notes only to be opened “after [her] death.. and they were the perfect final words from her.

      ❤️💜☀️🦋

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Trey!
      I’ve been trying to stay away for a little while. Until I can write without a load full of grief. Not sure how long that will be, but it’s getting better ☺️. I’ve been worried though, that writing will bring it all up again though. I guess that just means I stowed it away instead of dealing with it huh?

      Well anyways, happy belated birthday to your son!!!! How awesome! I hope he had a wonderful day 🎈 🎂 🎁!! Just wait for it… and prepare… I’ve always heard 3’s are worse….👀🤭

      You’re so sweet. To call me sunshine. Goodness I miss her. I’ve been in a great deal of pain since she’s been gone. From the stress of it all I guess. Stress is a complete evil in this world.

      I hope you’re taking care of yourself too!

      By the way… when did you start going by Trey instead of Anthony? 🙃

      Talk soon 💜

      Liked by 1 person

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