Autoimmune Disease

What I Learned Today

As my Mimi sat with her oxygen tube stretched to the kitchen table, we laughed and we had moments today that made my heart cry. I’m not for sure that my eyes have tears left.. or maybe I feel too numb to produce them.

She gave my sister and I some of her special, expensive, and beautiful pearls that my DD gave to her through their marriage.

I told her thank you.. but I made sure to say “I don’t like this…”

She knows. We all know. She will go to Heaven’s pearly gates soon and she “will have an even more beautiful and better place than [we] do now..”

She deserves such a place of beauty and peace. A place with no pain.

Soon

This world will lose the brightest smile, the most beautiful wings, and the most precious heart. A true angel on earth.

As her left lung cavity fills with blood, as the home health nurse drains it every other day, as she holds her breath from the pain, as we remind her to breathe through her nose – to fill her lungs with oxygen from the machine she’s attached to as much as they are able to expand before pain strikes her body, as we wait for the pathology results to come back – even though we all know what the report will be, as I look into my DD’s tear filled eyes, as my heart breaks – so I try not to think about it, as we watch her pick at the dinner that we brought her because it hurts for her to eat no matter how hungry she is….

She remembers the yellow tulips that we brought her. I ask her what flower is her favorite, and she says “flowerS“… and she says what I learned today:

“When you smile before you know you’re smiling… THAT’S joy.”

I call my mom as I leave to go home… she says she saw an interview with Vince Gill, where he was asked to “tell me about your brother”…. in which he replied:

“His death devastated me. His life inspired me.”

What I learned today.

✌🏼&💜,

Bailey

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