5th time since 2015.
Is it possible to have a permanent active case? The internet says yes. My rheumatologist (who I see on May 30th) wants to do research into it so she can better treat me on my appointment.
She’s requesting all blood work and labs since….? Um. I’m not sure of the start date…. Maybe this is how doctors feel when they can’t diagnose a patient correctly, and I don’t have sarcasm upon saying that. It’s hard not to know something.
As I think back to 2015, the tests that I went through to get my diagnosis of an autoimmune disease and fibromyalgia…. actually beginning 2013…. I never actually knew how much the hospital machines – the machines that took up an entire room’s space in which I was expected to lay underneath for up to an hour, or rushing into the ER with stabbing pain underneath my rib cage, getting poked with IV’s, blood and urine taken, CT scans done and being told “ok go home” with the exact amount of information I walked in with: bawling my eyes out – … I never knew how traumatized that was for me to go through until today. Still having the stabbing pains, but ok now with the answer of “costochondritis from fibromyalgia”, still having a ball of fire in my stomach but not quite knowing how else to explain it, still having headaches, and just feeling like complete shit. (Please excuse my French. This is getting frustrating.)
I called my primary, as instructed by my rheumatologist yesterday, to be treated for fatigue until I see her on May 30th.
I asked about my spleen. Since I have mono, I’ve tested positive so many times in the past 3 years, can your spleen stay enlarged? What do I do to keep it protected?
Here we go.
“Has anyone done an ultrasound on your spleen before?”
Just on my gallbladder.
Ultrasound on my spleen set for tomorrow. And I’m stressed. And scared that these answers that I’ve had for 3+ years are somehow not the only things that have been tormenting my body all this time.
Who knew getting mono in high school, when we were kids and thought it was funny, because it was “the kissing disease” and all anyone did was joke around about who you had been kissing, that it could cause this many issues? That it could possibly be the culprit of my Sjögren’s (internet study I read not long ago), it could possibly torcher my body with stabbing pains for…. for how much longer?
“Compass” -Zella Day
I will take the pieces, put them back together
Even when the grass isn’t green enough
Taking all the branches, build ourselves a mansion
Love you in the ways that you needed love
Where you are, I will be
Miles high, in the deep
Where you are, I will be
Anywhere, in between