Sjögren's Syndrome

We’re All Broken.

"Nobody really knows how much anyone else is hurting. We could be standing next to someone who is completely broken and never know. So, be kind always, to yourself and others."

My world opened up to a new dynamic tonight as I heard the tv broadcast someone's words, of which were not mine, describe how this girl felt broken all of the time, and all of a sudden.. it hit me. Everybody has their own feelings of brokenness. I asked my husband: "Do you ever feel broken?" And he said " Well. Yes. But it's going to sound so selfish. I wish I could do more and not be so tired sometimes."

Not one word of his statement was selfish. Out of his world, that would be what he would consider his downfall.

Everyone has their weaknesses, according to their own opinions.

I've been so tunnel visioned on my "weaknesses", I didn't notice the brokenness around me. So many people I've passed.. could I have helped lift someone further to the opening of their rock bottom? Could I have shared a smile? Regardless of my brokenness, could I have helped someone else who I let pass me by? Tunnel vision sucks your whole self into a tiny tube. Break out. Just flat – break out.

Everyone wishes they could change something about themselves – something that not all of the world can see – something that not all of the world would consider to be negative.

We got devastating news within these last couple weeks. My grandmother was diagnosed with aggressive and fast spreading metastatic breast cancer and lymphoma. She also has stage 4 (of 5) Alzheimer's.
My aunt has a super bug that hospitals quarantine off from called c diff. She's been battling this antibiotic resistant bug since January this year to no avail. She just got accepted to the Mayo Clinic in Arizona for a desperate procedure. If this doesn't take, we're not sure exactly what that means.
(And my small issues compared), I was diagnosed 2 days ago with strep, a sinus infection and 2 ear infections. My husband and I are going to begin our journey down the "food allergy" road. My doctors aren't being so cooperative now. If we are unable to find more pain relief, we will go a step further and search for a second opinion in a much bigger city. We've just about exhausted all other options. The options so far have helped. But I want my life back. I don't want to be a pile on the couch anymore! This depression isn't helping much either. My family has been hit with a ton of bricks.
Brady's (my husband's) grandmother has also been falling, and now in result has a fractured hip and fractured lower vertebrae.

In the eye of this storm, swirling around us with the strongest winds I've had to withstand yet, Brady got a promotion at work. We have been so thankful for this opportunity for him, for us. Thank you Dear Lord. 💕

I've cried my tears out. And along with my Sjögren's and fibromyalgia pain, I've disassociated myself from the "feels" of these hardships. Trust. Faith. Hope. Hope gives you courage. 🦁

My life.
My best friend has been there for me like no one else has been (outside of my family). I've never had so much support from one person. "I was just checking on you. I haven't left my house yet if you want to talk!" She just went through the same thing. Her grandfather passed one year ago last May from lymphoma plus three other 'c' words. Her great grandfather passed a couple months before that of a 'c' word as well. Her mother-in-law passed within these last couple months from an unseen and unexpected 'c' word.

She's already found her way through the mazes of these hardships. I'm so lucky to have her to guide me.

My husband's grandfather passed last October from lymphoma and cirrhosis of the liver.

They're past those times, that word, the hurt, the confusion and the impossibility, but the loss will never be easy to deal with. I'm scared of that.

I've disassociated from it – which is different than being past it. I'm terrified of facing this face on.

Everybody has something.

When my friend and husband were going through their difficult times, I tried my best to be there for them. But what word fixes it? Nothing. Their problems were magnified millions of times against mine, but hearing my simple issues at the time helped them through, helped distract their minds.

And now my friend is putting her coffee table together, going to the movies – and she forgot that her mom bought her a ticket : "I'm not even ready!", fighting with her husband. Getting my mind off of my difficult times. (My husband is helping also, the same way).

Everybody has their reasons of feeling broken.
Think about that next time you're buying a coke at the gas station, checking out at the grocery store, shopping at the mall.

Be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.-Aristotle
If you're not making someone else's life better, you're wasting your time. -Will Smith

"The rain always ends up back in the river again

Oh innocence is sometimes thrown into the lions den

But I've made it this far as I lay in your arms

Lost as an island, a casualty of silence

It's killing me.

I don't mean to be a bother, but I was pondering if you'd cross an ocean for me

‘cause I just really need to know If this is love or are we simply sharing air to breathe

When the waves get rough, will you be here when I wake up?

When the waves get rough, will you be here when I wake up?

I fall asleep to lullabies built of thunder

Peace settles in but then my mind plays the hunter

Thoughts pile up till their mountain tops

Pulling me along till I'm a little lost

It's killing me.

Here I stand in front of you

It’s little overdue but

Asking for a simple truth…

I don't mean to be a bother, but I was pondering if you'd cross an ocean for me

‘cause I just really need to know If this is love or are we simply sharing air to breathe

When the waves get rough, will you be here when I wake up?"

– "Islands" by Rynn


✌🏼&💜,
Bailey

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