Do you know you have a light switch? Do you realize when you turn it on and off?
My body has trouble coping.
Coping with things as simple as outdoors, heat, cold..
But then you have things like social gatherings, prearranged plans, maintenance needed at our home, appointments or any outings in general..
Even just speaking to people.
[Cue build up of anxiety. Cue release of anxiety. Bailey, you have to entertain these people..
In my lifetime, I’ve yet to find my light switch. I know it exists because it has such command over my life. I wish I could control when it was on or off. Through the years, I’ve tried to figure it out, but the only detail about my light switch I’ve come out fighting with is that it remains in a forced and weighted “on” position – until all of a sudden, the weight and the force collapse allowing the switch to fall into “off”.
Off means frustration. Off means tears. And a lot of tears. Off means pain to the depths.Off means aches. Off means anxiety. Off means “I can’t do it”. Off means there’s nothing left to give of myself. Off means I lose friends who mean the most. Off means you take everything from me. Off means sleep.
Sometimes I can’t find the light switch. Sometimes I’d rather dwell in the darkness. Sometimes I’m better off alone. Sometimes has become my home.🌒💡💜